Toxic Idealism.

Idealism isn’t the problem of a dreamer, but of an extremely self-focused person. I hate admitting this to myself, but it seems to be the pattern of examination in which God keeps drawing my attention.

I’m like any other person, really. I struggle with real patterns of brokenness in areas of my life that in my human strength, I cannot change.

One of these areas is the toxic disease of idealism. 

Now let me assert here that I strongly believe there is a difference between being a dreamer and an idealist. Dreaming = liberated creativity towards passions & things in which your heart burns & yearns. Idealism = liberated creativity towards passions & things in which your heart burns & yearns PLUS your linear human expectation.

That last part (‘your linear human expectation’) is the bane of my existence. I say that and mean it literally, because according to the American Oxford Dictionary, the original English word, “bana” (later translated to ‘bane’) means “thing causing death.”

Following Jesus means consciously choosing to die to yourself. Choosing to put His priorities above yours. Choosing to love others even when you don’t feel like it. Choosing to give when it’s the last thing you have. Choosing to fight culture when it’s so much more comfortable to just ‘go with the flow.’ Choosing to surrender your self-formulated hopes and desires, in order that His purposes would take precedence.

So when it comes to idealism, it is the thing that causes me DEATH literally because it is the area that keeps haunting my heart, and therefore the area that reminds me most that I need to die to SELF, in order that He may live within me.

My prayer for 2012 is that I would be able to take every single day and gird it with dreams, passion, and purpose (not spoiled by my human expectation), but marked with a sense of expectancy that leaves room for God to move and breathe and create as He pleases.

Here’s to dreaming… without limits… and without linear expectation, but God-sized expectancy…

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